September 13, 2012

Taiuslikku naist otsimas

Tootlen siin laste korvalt labi septembri ajakirju mis koige paksemad uldse, sugismoed ja reklaamid, Harper's Bazaar on paar kilo vahemalt. Ja siis sattusin lugema Elle ajakirja rubriiki Ask E.Jean, kuhu saab kirjutada ja sumpaatselt sarkastliselt naisterahvalt nou saada. Ja ma maigutasin suud nagu kala kuival. Motlesin et jagan teiega ka. Kui keegi vastab all antud kriteeriumile, palun kontakteeruge koheselt.
(ma sel teemal uldse sona ei vota et mis meesterahvas kel nii palju pakkuda kirjutab mingile 60 a tadile ja utleb et palun otsi naist.. whatever)

Dear E. Jean: I’m a 34-year-old Internet entrepreneur and angel investor. Can you help me find a woman? What I’m looking for is a life partner— not the "mother of my children." Anyone who aspires to be a housewife is automatically eliminated. The women I fall for typically intimidate men. I suppose the easiest way to summarize is to say that I’m seeking a smarter, hotter, younger, female version of myself (smile). I’m cognizant of the fact that ultimately I’ll fall in love with the woman and not the checklist. So without further ado, here’s the perfect girl for me:

-Out-of-this-world intelligent and passionate
-Ambitious and extremely independent with eclectic and diverse interests
-Not needy, high-maintenance, jealous, or requiring constant attention (I suppose it goes with “extremely independent,” but it’s worth mentioning)
-Very adventurous—loves to backpack around China, for example
-Supersexual and sexually adventurous, multiorgasmic through vaginal sex
-On the Pill
-5'7"–6'1"(1.73 cm - 1.85 cm)
-Very thin (but not because she’s starving herself or has food issues—I want someone who will be thin her entire life)
-Small breasts (usually come with "very thin")
-Gorgeous (symmetrical face and features)
-Loves big dogs (but not small dogs or cats)
-Atheist, agnostic, or not religious
-Happy!
-Healthy!
-Nice!
-Does not want kids in the next five years
-Is in her twenties
-Plays tennis very well, helicopter skis, and is dying to learn how to kiteboard
-Speaks French perfectly
-Plays video games (maybe I am asking for a bit much here :)

Historically, the women who’ve been the best girlfriends for me have been entrepreneurs, lawyers, consultants, doctors, bankers, writers, university professors. That’s not to say there aren’t extremely smart, passionate, ambitious girls who are models, work in marketing or PR, or teach K–12, but it’s just less likely. From a looks perspective, I’m pretty agnostic when it comes to hair color, eye color, etc., but I do have very specific tastes: They run to Kate Beckinsale, Diane Kruger, Izabel Goulart, Eva Green, Joanna Krupa, and Odette Annable. I’m also including the pics of my most serious exes so you get a sense of what the girls I really liked look like. Where can I find her? —The Great Gatsby

G teatas (kui olin nordinult talle selle nimekirja ette lugenud 5 min parast seda kui ta koju toolt sai) et tema arust on koik selge, meesterahvas on gei. Et milline heteroseksuaalne otsib endale anoreksikut. :)

7 comments:

Triin said...

Ma alustuseks tahtsin öelda, et äkki ta on selline Danny De Vito mõõtu mees ja ei jää naistele lihtsalt silma, kuna ta teisel tasandil liigub:)) Aga siis silmasin, et ta nõuab ka pikkust 1.73 cm - 1.85 cm.

Äkki ikkagi on kähmakas ja lihtsalt meeldivad pikad naised? Ja ta siis ei meeldi pikkadele naistele vastu...

Vähemalt me teame, et ta on taevane kingitus naistelem tõesti jääb selgusetuks, miks ta endale sobimatuid kaaslasi ligi meelitab, haha!

kroonijuveel said...

Elina Pähklimägi - eile vaatasin kättemaksukontorit ja südamest siiralt imetlesin teda, kui palju on inimesele antud! Hea, tark, ilus, sale, andekas. aga ta ei ole vist enam vaba o... nii et jaa, see tegelane jääks sellest supernaisest ilma.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, kui selline supernaine oleks tegelikkuses olemas, siis vaevalt et ta oleks (intellektuaalses plaanis) huvitatud nii kitsarinnalisest mehest...

Puhvis Kukk said...

No milline 20ne aastane naine on maailma randur, nii mitmesuguste huvidega, raagib mitut keelt, erudeeritud, kaunis, yber sportlik - ja nouda et naine oleks multiorgasmic??? whatthefuck -vabandage valjendust, oeldakse. Kas see pannakse siis kuskile kontrakti sisse? Nagu ka see et eluaeg naturaalselt kohna.
Ja olen taiesti nous et selline naine, kui eksisteerib, siukse mehega kull ei oleks.

Tabitha said...

Oh this is hilarious, I wish I could read the comments!

Anonymous said...

In the end of the day I think it's just a provocation... A person with such syrreal wishlist cannot possibly exist...

Puhvis Kukk said...

Aga eksisteerib. E Jean isegi kohtus ja raakis pikemalt, noormees tegi esimese miljoni Harvardist lopetades esimese aasta jooksul. Aga E Jean lisas juurde et kui ta eks-girlfriendide pilte kaeda siis usub et ikka sisemine ilu (ja muud omadused) olulisemad kui et gorgeous face and body. Hihiiii