May 7, 2011

Motteid emadepaevaks

Ilm on ilus, me oleme paev otsa ringikondinud ja seega nii jalad kui aju paistes. Aga tahtsin teile koigie, emad ja tulevased emad, kaunist kaunist emadepaeva soovida ning jagada USA komoodiku ja ema Tina Fey motteterasid emaks olemisest.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU (Florida State University) logo stain her tender haunches (tagumikul).

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s (jalgpalli treener) eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half and stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping (seksimine) in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective (kriitiline oelutsemine) of her peers (samavanuste) And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister (ameerika teismeliste pood), Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.


-Tina Fey


  1. Ma olin täna yllatunud, kui vaatasin facebookist, et ka usas on emadepäev. millegipärast olen olnud arvamusel, et see on eesti enda riigipyha,aga eksisin. kuskilt on meelde jäänud, et teistes riikides on lihtsalt muul päeva, kas mitte meie naabritel soomeski pole nii...

    sullegi kaunist emadepäeva lõppu/jätku! :)

  2. Aitäh kullake! l.

  3. Tina Fey tekst on kihvt!! kuigi siin-mitte-elaval inimesele osad valjendid ja nimed ei ytle vist midagi ( nt Ferris Wheel )
    Jaana: ikka siin ka see vaga suur pyha, kuigi mitte riigipyha!!! Isadepaev on see, mis siin erineval paeval, juuni teine pyhapaev mu teada...

  4. Kalkulacka - kalkulаcka vedecke, kalkulaсkа
    s tlacou, Vreckоve kalkulacky ... zа najlacnejsie сeny.
    Tovar skladom s dorucеnim do 24 hоd. рre cele Sloνensko.
    My blog :: kalkulacky ,

  5. Wash your curly hair at the very least two days in a week.

    Since these goods are made from plant extracts, seed oils and
    hair only twice in a week. A well groomed woman will look to
    her hair and makeup first and a poll of
    3,000 females across the UK revealed that about 44% feel attractive if they are having a good hair day, this compares to 16% who felt pleased with their appearance if good teeth gave them that
    winning smile.

    My blog post :: hair products