March 30, 2008

You Know You're From Estonia If ...

1. You use the word ‘normal’ if something is ok.
2. When visiting friends abroad you bring along a box of Kalev chocolate.
3. You attended a song festival at least once either as a performer or as a spectator.
4. You know that going to the sauna is 80% about networking and 20% about washing
5. You are nationalistic about Skype (it is actually an Estonian company)
6. ‘Kohuke’ belongs to your menu
7. You declare your taxes on the internet like all modern people
8. You actually believed for a while that Latvians had 6 toes per foot when you heard that as a child
9. You are convinced that Estonia is very strategically located
10. You spent at least one midsummer in Saaremaa, Hiiumaa or one of the smaller islands
11. You can quote films like “Viimne reliikvia” and “Siin me oleme”
12. You spit three times around your left shoulder for good luck
13. Words like “veoauto”, “täieõiguslik” or “jää-äär” sound perfectly pronouncable to you
14. You like bold statements, such as this one…
15. There can never be too much sarcasm
16. You can at times drink hot tea to hot food
17. You are disappointed that Jaan Kross never got the Nobel prize in literature
18. It would not be suprising for English-speakers to find your name naughty (Peep, Tiit, Andres [sounds like undress]) or hippy (Rein, Rain)
19. You have been to Finland
20. You say ‘Noh’ (sounds like NO) even when you speak English, just to confuse people
21. You know the lyrics to “Mutionu” and “Rongisõit”
22. You would never mistaken Kreisiraadio for a radio station
23. You would agree that wife-carrying is a real sport (at least as long as Estonians are winning)
24. Your best friend’s girlfriend is your English teacher’s daughter and they live next door to your grandparents, who were colleagues with your advisor, who is friends with your…
25. You think that any beverage below 20% is non-alcoholic
26. You check the thermometer before going out
27. You look in both directions before crossing the road, even if it’s a one-way street
28. You grin very mysteriously when people ask about your national food
29. You teach a non-Estonian speaker the word “Tänan” before “Aitäh”
30. You put ketchup inside your pasta in order to not to get the ketchup-bowl dirty
31. You cheated on your wife/husband at least ten times but you still think you’re in a good marriage.
32. When someone asks you “where is Estonia?” you quickly reply that it’s located in Northern Europe close to Finland…
33. Your grandmother’s “purse” is an old plastic bag that has been reused several times
34. Sour cream tastes good with everything
35. A foreigner speaks to you in broken horrible Estonian and you go on and on about how wonderful their Estonian is compared to “the Russians’”
36. You have ever worn or seen anyone wear “karupüksid”
37. You have heard the phrase “Estonians are slow” at least once
38. Kui sa saad aru, mis siia kirjutatud on
39. You find yourself continually ignoring the gender in other languages
40. You say ‘kurat’ as at least every second word
41. You consider running to the shop at 19.50 on Friday evening to buy some booze, a sport
42. You are a true Estonian when you come from Tallinn, because if you are from Tallinn you think Tallinn IS Estonia and that’s true of course that Tallinn is Estonia
43. When someone says “Estonians are so beautiful” you answer almost without emotions “I know”
44. You have tried to explain people that “kauboi” is actually a word in Estonian
45. You don’t think that terviSEKS is a funny word
46. You don’t find the Estonian equivalent to the expressions “twelve months”, “1002″ and “12 buses” remotely funny
47. Even though you never met Toots, Teele and Kiir you know exact what they are like
48. You grin when someone you know says that they bought a BMW
49. You know how to end the sentence “Kui Arno isaga koolimajja jõudis…”


viki said...

hea, et ma siis polüvernik olen ;)

Miina said...

Jap, eestlane. Enamus läks täppi :D

Muuseas, õueaiamaa ja õlalöök on ka sellised mõnusad keeleväänajad ;)

Äli said...

Väga kenasti kirjutatud!

Anonymous said...

Skandaalid! Skandaalid! Skandaalid!


Paljud halvimal juhul rassismi maailma ajaloos!

Palun öelge president Toomas Hendrik Ilves kohe!

(There are thousands of copies of the information below on the Internet in Estonia.)




Barack Obama is a racial minority and does not like racism.


(I) I do solemnly swear by Almighty God that George W. Bush committed atrocious, racist, hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism which I am not at liberty to mention. Many people know what Bush did. And many people will know what Bush did—even until the end of the world. Bush was absolute evil. Bush is now like a fugitive from justice. In any case, Bush will go down in history in infamy.

(II) It is opined that Bill Clinton committed terrifying, racist, hate crimes during his presidency, and I am not free to say anything further about it. ‘Be sure your sins will find you out’ (Numbers 32:23).

(III) What if basically all racial minority people would subscribe to the interpretations that George Herbert Walker Bush committed monstrous, racist, hate crimes while he was the President of the United States? It will eventually come out: it is only a matter of time.

(IV) I know it may be hard to believe. However, Ronald Wilson Reagan committed horrible, racist, hate crimes during his presidency.

Respectfully Submitted by Andrew Yu-Jen Wang, J.D. Candidate
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993

(There are thousands of copies on the Internet in the USA indicating the contents of (I), (II), (III), and (IV). For example, one can go to Google right now, type “George W. Bush committed hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism,” hit “Enter,” and readily find 1,000 or more copies indicating content of (I). For example, one can go to Msn right now, type “It is opined that Bill Clinton committed racist hate crimes, and I am not free to say anything further about it,” hit “Enter,” and readily find more than 590 copies indicating content of (II). For example, one can go to Msn right now, type “George Herbert Walker Bush committed monstrous, racist, hate crimes,” hit “Enter,” and readily find more than 350 copies indicating content of (III). For example, one can go to Msn right now, type “Ronald Wilson Reagan committed horrible, racist, hate crimes during his presidency,” hit “Enter,” and readily find more than 300 copies indicating content of (IV). The contents of (I), (II), (III), and (IV) exist very extensively in all major search engines in the USA and in numerous search engines beyond the USA. There are thousands of copies in numerous countries around the world. For example, there are countless copies on the Internet in Australia, Belgium, Bosnia, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Croatia, Denmark, France, Georgia, Germany, India, Italy, Japan, Korea, Norway, Romania, Russia, Sweden, the Netherlands, the United Kingdom, Ukraine, etc. Copies in foreign countries are typically written in respective foreign languages through the use of computer programs on the Internet that make such translations possible. Copies in foreign countries indicate that the presidents or prime ministers or kings or heads of state of respective foreign countries are to be informed of the information relating to scandals. The expressions—“SCANDALS!” and “EMERGENCY!”—are used repeatedly at the top of the copies.)

‘If only there could be a BAN against invention that bottled up memories like scent & they never faded & they never got stale.’ (Please feel free to go to, type “ban invention that bottled up memories,” and hit “Enter.”)

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